(Hacked from official police resume)
Name: Slorg Tellurus Slollopus
Birthdate: 14.842.903.58.00935 (Galactic Time)
Derivation: Pleurvus Subsystem, Qyxterion Cluster, Antares Quadrant (Planet Zorghemoth)
Credit history: Owes but doesn't own
Credit rating: Owns but doesn't owe
Other relevant information: Ideologically dubious, but great hands for a centerfielder
Skills: Legendary ability to squeeze liquidity from the unlikeliest sources, despite no official occupation or connection to the dominant transgalactic business clusters.
Police records: No files. Under suspicion of transferring 1040927 to the 108320 Gorgarian-units to network of Redshift accounts, resulting in the submersion of 1/3 of Quadrant IV's asset base and accelerated activity of Third Tier planetoids. Following extensive discussions with Galactipol regulators, extensive evidence was mysteriously erased by a rogue wormhole. Subsequent attempts to locate wormhole's derivation thwarted by subquantum hack into Galactipol's Antares Net. Trace vanished in haze of Hawking radiation near Arcturan Quadrant. Bulk of credits subsequently reappeared in legal fund of the Galactic Revolutionary Endogenous Echolocational Nautiluses (agitprop group of an endangered subspecies of Pleurvian sea-snail, noted for raising a ruckus over waste-disposal activities of Zorghemoth's Heavy Metal processing firms). Further investigation proceeding.
Biography: Long, long ago, in the dim prehistoric mists of VLSI architecture lived a rhombozoidal but not overly unctuous silicoid gel, grey-toned and viteous, if not altogether aquatic, whom dwelt lengthwise uponst the liquid metal planet of Greater Gorgothia (so named after the Gorgarian species of heavy metal radelix, lifeforms expressly adapted to the chlorinaceous atmosphere, hellish quantum vortices and gravitational pull of Pleurvus III, an adjoining neutron star locked into an unstable Kieler oscillation pattern around Pleurvus Prime) in a state of much bemusement. Slorg was distinguished from fellow Zorghemoths chiefly by an extraordinary talent for cracking Riedel equatorials (ordinarily impossible to solve in less than an infinite number of search interstices) which runs security on intersolar quantum-channels. Police charges were dropped when a local metals firm subcontracted out Slorg's unusual solution, which involved an ingenious and hitherto unknown technique of mapping phase differentials onto subquantum sets, whose number was ultimately finite. After bailing out assorted hangers-on and associates, the most notorious of which was the quantum-runner and chiphack Quarf (current whereabouts unknown), Slorg migrated to the Superversity of Orgzoria to major in neurometry and advanced ganglia-boosting. One particular experiment involving cheese snacks, brainboosted slimemolds and molecular bivalves went awry, resulting in riots, plunging pharmaceutical prices and pandemic destruction of a nearby Heavy Metal think-tank involved in litigation with the Pleurvian Sea-snails. After a brisk legal scuffle involving non-rotational polygons and an Arcturan arbitrage firm, a small battalion of corporate lawyers went down to ignominious defeat when Slorg made an undisclosed contribution to the Superversity's cash-strapped n-dimensional R&D budget and subsequently parachuted onto the staff of a Devonian warp-tunnel research grant, the terms of which provided Slorg with arrest-proof visa coverage for half a Galactic cycle. Rumors abound that Slorg is in contact with Quarf via a particularly vagrant species of interstellar squid, the Literarus Nautilisticae. Further investigation proceeding.
Publications: Slorg's Counter of Financial Doom, Slorg's Guide to Economic Development, Slorg's Guide to Socialism as well as Slorg's Antares Job-Hop. NarcNet Agent 028DJF29d speculates that subject is funding illegal activities via a mysterious gamer species known only as the Tentacled Army Distraction. A partial lo-res scan recovered by a gravitron-loop near Radelix reads, in part: ...Some people need to get salty through experience, but others are born to the brine -- or so said Slorg T. Slollopus's cranial processor to itself 2.497316 milliseconds after a rival chiphack tried to wipe the quombiform's biomatrix with 25492 to the 3987th Galactic units of plutonium salts, not realizing that the stuff was about as toxic to Slorg's quantum-burn carapace as a bath of vanilla pudding would be to a humanoid of Tellus with a scuba mask... The scan was interrupted by a suspiciously well-timed neutrino emission which jammed the recording device in question with the vibratory howl of the Snarkorus, a cylindrical species of natrium-fixing ionoid noted for a penchant for practical jokes. Further investigation proceeding.