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                   The Look of a Home
 
   I have known several people who have remodeled their house in a very
personal and artistic way and then immediately left, and several others
that remodeled in a more haphazard juvenile sense and stayed. Consistently,
whatever part of someone's estate has creative focus, has an appearance of
chaos, neglect, or straight up trash pit. As a result, I have evolved to
perceive a tidy sterile looking yard or house as a place without a living
creative process happening, a spiritual vacancy. If it was formerly more
chaotic in appearance then I imagine it to be about to be cast indifferently
into the hands of stranger.
   The social pressure to have the directly visible part of my estate be
sterile in appearance is deranged to me, like demanding an offering of
white bread. The maintanence of visible sterility and the keeping of secret
chaos, by most of my neighbors, is a tragic cold-heartedness to me; a
refusal to be known, a refusal of spiritual sharing. It is like being in a
huge crowd of silently waiting people who are all wearing generic clothes
and sunglasses, and being completely inexpressive. It looks like a kind of
death.
   This webpage is a record of my deliberate effort to create for myself a
life meaning feeling, some kind of pattern of life expression that doesn't
have this look of death. I'm also shy of what I call a mechanical illusion
of meaning, a surrogate meaning. I really want to be actually not killing
time. With any luck the page may become a place to find links to the similiar
stories of others. While the computer appears worthless for making actual
friendship, it has proved to be a huge source of inspiring ideas. This page
is to feed the fire and inspire me to edit my irrationality.


Introducing the Zeitgeist Movement from Adrian Wolfe on Vimeo.

      The text version of the Video above:
      Why I Advocate the Zeitgeist Movement
      My review of the movie Zeitgeist Moving Forward
      Eugene Oregon Chapter of the Zeitgeist Movement
      Zeitgeist Lane County on Facebook
      former Wiki for the Social Innovations Sub-team of the Zeitgeist Movement
      The newer version of the Zeitgeist Movement Wiki
      Zeitgeist Movement Actions in the EOS wiki
      Resource Based Social Functioning Reference in EOS
      Zeitgeist Talk by Jon Topping showing unreliability of Peter Joseph
      Scolding from a fellow expressing majority Zeitgeist Movement view
      My opposing views about Peter Joseph's presentation in Iowa
      My analysis of the actual politics of the Zeitgeist Movement
      My experience and understanding of Resource Based Economics:
      My feelings about money: Comprehending Usury:  Duty to Humanity:
      Zeitgeist Day event ideas:   Common respect between people:
      Depiction of trade activity in the fiction media: $700Billion Bailout:
      Interpersonal hazard (for RBE)   Colored ribbon networking
      A redefinition of a conventional economy  Occupy Wall Street

   The intense legalese of these writings is for me like the building code
or the Oregon Revised Statutes, a way to preserve ideas in a manner that at
least I, or anyone with unusual patience, can accurately extract them ten
years latter. A forum thread initiated by one of my former housemates, at
the Straight Dope website, bantered about the questionable sanity of such a
writer; particularly responding to my long tedious essay about my own
sanity. One commenter rewrote several of my wordy paragraphs as single
sound bite size sentences, and asked why not write thus more briefly? For
those like him, this website is probably a total waste to focus on.
   But another commenter illustrated the risk the legalese attempts to
prevent. She was triggered by my use of the term "sexual play" to conjure
an image of lively, possibly even brutal, overt intercourse, where I made a
brief reference to the highly timid libidoless curiosity of me and my
sisters as very young children. Though I too prefer a more brief writing
style, I need to prevent at least my own confusion in a rereading ten years
later.
   I have an interest in embracing sovereign citizenship and anarchy
without having to relate harshly to other peoples' socialist values. For me
sovereignty has been a bit alienating, and I try to soften that as much as
possible. America looks to me like a huge corporate day care center pretending
to be a society, and my spirit is not with that, but I find life to be too
lonely if I shut out the people who like to participate. I seem to have become
to a minor degree a source of hurt feelings and confusion for a lot of those
people, particularly those who have profound meaning in a regular commercial
social environment. I think of this website as partly a wrestle with that.
   Here is a story from me. My fantasy, for myself, is to settle sanely
and goodheartedly in the town where I grew up. Here all my random hysteria
has traceable triggers and my personal majesty has the longest historical
development.  My expectations reach their zenith of unreasonableness but my
peace reaches the greatest depth. 
   In my old age I have determined that all genuine meaning for me is a
blessing that arises only from trustable concrete friendship, as opposed to
definable activity. I call this a form of tribal fantasy, but others call it
a gang without even pretense of morals. I agree that in general only fairly
unrighteous people have shown a clear openness to what I describe.
   But I have been heartbroken too many times by the appearance of fidelity
that agreement creates, so I dodge conceptual compromise and the shared
projects that result from it. My long term ideal is to live among some
people in this city who are physically together almost all the time, and yet
not tied together by a house or a creed and involved very little in gainful
activity as a group. Many members would privately own a house and much
equipment as I do. None, though, would ever share mechanistic ego expression
with the group except as a host with guests. Earning and spending money,
sexuality, stockpiling of food and all other activities that provoke
hysteria and jeolosy would be engaged solitary and, on my part, minimized;
the group drama would involve these only to the degree that the vibe stays
hopeful, and never ever as a matter of importance. The group would all
sleep in one area or room with the owner member's completely revokable
invitation.
   My present society in America meets all these criteria except the overt
recognition and honoring of the situation. I am pressed by my friends to
engage severe drug use or forced verbal agreement or both; to ease their
worry or jeolosy feelings. I refuse. I need my mind to be clear and my love
to be undisquised, at least to myself.
   Possession of wealth and power appear to bring only novelty at the
cost of senseless stress, so neither has ever seemed promising in my life.
Also, the privileges of corporate citizenship have been a major compromise
of my manly dignity. I need my rewards and encouragement to be a direct
result of my nobility of character rather than the condition of my
paperwork. I also need to have no confusion about the police being an
occupying army. Too many times I have spontaneously and innocently
reached out to an officer for directions or assistance and had them
brutally ruin my life for a time. I need to recognize and honor the
actual job they have taken on, stomping the spirits of juvenile delinquents
(of all ages). Having lived in a very personal way with the delinquents
I am undecided which is the greater evil, but I need to stay aware of the
fire fight.
   I read several internet accounts of tragic disaster resulting from
innocent citizens defending their personal dignity with a display of
machisimo. They were brutally murdered or seriously injured by police.
I concluded that all the participants were deranged. In my imagination,
if one spooks a hornet's nest, righteousness plays no part in the result.
In spite of the IRS and the public imagination, I don't view a corporation
as a form of intelligent life. I see them, private or public, like a
computer; very effective at technical results but worthless as a civic
leader. I seriously doubt that the founding fathers ever intended the
central government to be a source of moral leadership; I think they assumed
the opposite, that all the people pleading for federal integrity are pissing
into the wind. I have only clearly observed moral leadership as a product
of noneconomic sentimentality, influencing the big scale only indirectly.
The problem of tyranical police senselessly injuring or killing harmless
Citizens was much worse in the remote past and still is in the third world.
I hold everyone responsible to recognize the genuine terror felt by the
often youthful officers faced with entirely cool-headed armed people whose
home they are illegally invading at the command of their superior officers.
   I was once woke up by the belligerent voice of a young officer demanding
that I put my hands where he could see them, his revolver pointed at me, 
held in both his hands, shaking like a leaf. He held this terrible pose for 
several minutes til his backup officer drove up and came right up to me like 
I was no threat at all. 
   These were city police on worthless land outside the City. That federal 
police are sometimes just as harsh, panicky and out of their jurisdiction 
is, to me, not to be wondered at or a basis for conspiracy theory. The 
public I have spoken with in my town promotes the present constitutional
violations related to drugs, taxes and motor vehicles. So I don't consider 
the public to be unaware; those I've discussed this with gave no indication 
of naivette and may be rationally construed as a national security threat to 
American liberty. I think even the CIA is a symptom not a root cause of 
this. Government service would be a hopelessly depressing job for me so I am 
loathe to judge those who are willing to take part in managing the preschool 
that America appears to me to be. 
   Armed resistance to the U.S. government looks a bit ridiculous to me 
also. Government corruption that supposedly warrants it requires very 
sophisticated investigation for a citizen to even see it at all, as opposed 
to Mexico, Brazil, Cambodia or Irag where reports I've heard or read 
involve no subtlety. My assessment is that the American governments are 
very representative of genuine public sentiment in spending, taxing, law 
enforcement, and their concern for providing quality service to the public;
I take my trouble with the government as a warning of how potentially mean 
my neighbors are.
   The apparatus in my life makes for a story.
   Whatever I need I bang together. What is quick is a hobby, what takes
a while is a chore and generally a mistake in my life. I have decided
that whenever nature deters me it is friendly advice, to ignore only
after long meditation. My life is for art, either theatric or physical,
and art has been the glue of my society. A need for a certain result
poisons my artistic spunk so I keep my criteria as primitive as possible.
   I use a very comfortable homemade reclining bicycle when I'm in no
mood to walk. I use a small handcart for large grocery loads and
attachments to the bicycle for serious matters. The bicycle is front
wheel drive so it converts pretty easily to a huge tricycle that I've
had about 500 pounds on a couple times. Recently I added an electric
assist that the police and the DMV have shrugged me off about. The
motor is a motorcycle starter driving the rear wheel through a bicycle
chain and powered by a regular 12 volt car battery. It survives well
20 miles on a charge and makes me as strong as two fellows. My city is
very easy and safe for bicycles. The bicycle is made of three tenspeed
frames hacksawed and bolted together entirely with common bicycle parts
(no welding) and weighs 45 pounds without the electric assist. It cost
about $150 in parts, mainly for the superlight wheels, and required one
day to build, initially. I have several other bicycles also, for other
moods; one that's completely normal, for when I'm shy.

00 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ OOOO ^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^ OOOOOO ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ OOOOOOO ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ OOOOOOO ``'`'`'`'`''`` `''`'`'`'`'`'' `'`'`'`''`'`'` `'`''`//\\'`'' `'`'// _ \\`' `'// |_| \\ //|----------|\\_____ /\ ' | |^^^^^^|| | ' //\\ .. ` | |______|| | ' ///\\ ::::: ' | |h | ` ////\\\ ::::::: ' ===================' ////|\\\\ :::::::::: ' = = === ////|\\\\ :::::::::::..` = = ===.................|||.....____________ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::-- - - - - - I lived in basements, in the local woods and on the street for many many years. It became my identity but it was too socially unstable; a tramp has to be sly too much and too subtle. Friendship cries for arrogance; expressions of pride, an old woman called it. I got full time work through a temporary agency and a pager and in a total about face of identity stuck with it for the two years required, at $5 an hour, to afford a vacant lot in town and a house move. I made a big effort to move my sister into a nearby cheap house and got to know the neighbors, mostly through their kids or their household maintenance. I loaded the house with roommates and managed to avoid having rules by doing my best to cooperate with each person's assumptions about me. The house is small and almost no-one with real options wants to live intimately, especially without a real room of their own, so I have seen a great many desperate souls. In offering a low rent place to live I have ended up living with a great many participants in the drug culture. I have arrived at the view that all mood or mind altering substances tend to block a person's ability to genuinely perceive their influence on others and thus renders them a jerk. That this view is generally expressed by one jerk about another does not, to me, make the complaint less of a genuine concern. The love at my house has been often overt but always predatory, similiar to the fondness expressed by a two year old. That has been a quandary for real, especially when the contradiction inspires violence in one of us or the complete loss of the diplomatic open-mindedness that concensus requires. I am frequently commanded to referee, generally by those with the least willingness to respect the authority paradigm that their demand evokes. If at all possible I reject a command that I play the part of governor. I am convinced that there can be no heart behind such a command. But if someone makes a sincerely friendly plea for me to take that role, I often can guide a fairly benevolent sort of melodrama about household maintenance. To me this is the root of government and a basis for a positive regard for established authorities. Every person I've gotten intimate with has what I call immature aspects that force me to maintain some minor degree of formality with them to prevent their trespass but I don't take this to be a reason to have no intimacies or to completely forsake what I see as the inescapable drama between strangers sharing an area. I am fond of a wild looking yard and the creative use of garbage but several of my neighbors aren't. Some of them express some real disheartenment about it, so I imagine I'm contributing to the infighting spirit that occasionally gets refereed by the police or the building department or the public utility. The area I live in meets my concept of white trash so I think of it as a real test of minimizing government. I haven't had any house meetings at my house or been to the neighborhood group. I think that that approach evokes even more sour vibes than chaos does. As I write this, four of my roommates are petty theives and two of them are turning against me because I refuse to aid maintaining a drug supply. A building official once told me he had been getting one call a week from the couple across the street about me violating the code one way or another, though almost never over something he felt compelled to act on. The same couple has the most brutal fights in the neighborhood. He's been arrested several times for that, but hearing her senseless painful screaming arguments and seeing her pointing a gun a couple of times I'm not her advocate. I see the big scale government as being a response to issues like these, but on the more formal level of complete strangers. I find the big scale very hard to assess accurately because I depend so much on second hand and often seriously misleading reports about generalities. I spent six months as a co-leader of a political group resisting nuclear weapons development and saw a lot of intense bigotry in the group; enough to drive me out and decide that, since all my evidence was from suspect sources, the weapons might even be the lesser evil, a melodramatic gesture with a better heart. So the limit of my clarity looks to me to be solely within the realm of deciding the governing or dramatic initiative I will create. I'll call that the topic of this website. from: Eric Michener c/o wolfe@efn.org Contact me: Back to the top of the page Other pages EMX Letter: Doctor Questionaire: Scouting: Overview of Fun: Bubba's engineering Pictures of Crop Circles: BASIC files: Photos of Myself: 2ndlife: YouTube Videos: Isaac's Video: Letters to Mr. Brown: Losing Sara: Matriarchy: The counter is from www.digits.com